Illusive Smile

There are times when I have a thorn caught in my heart
Times when a sinister thought disturbs my brain
And an oppresive squeeze crushes my chest
Making me go through it all over again
Because my cowardice doesn’t let me confess
That I’m dying of loneliness

And so I lie
When you look me in the eye
And ask, ARE YOU OKAY?
And skidding over the knot in my throat
Reprimanding hopeless tears
I will once again not let you know
How sometimes I hallucinate
an alternate reality
One where I’m not around to lie

Like a blind eye that absorbs light for the very first time
That surprise, that bewilderment
Like standing inside a burning building
I feel like said fright, said astonishment
Would make you evacuate
& run away from the threat that is my state

So as you turn to look at me
And cautiously ask the same question
I will beam and offer the same illusive expression:

– Juliet Rivor © July 2018


Because sometimes it’s easier to say you’re fine than have to explain why you’re not.

But those that love you will love every bit of you. The healthy, bright side… and the side that needs a pull and a carry once in a while.

Don’t go through it alone. Seek help. From family. From friends. From professionals. From others going through the same thing you are.

And one day no lies will need be said. For you will be the happiest, healthiest version of YOU. Ready to give a genuine smile. A smile the world needs. To be that much brighter…

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